reality check

Hey peeps!  Yes, I’m still here, I’m ALIVE, healthy, and all is good. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA from the blog and from Instagram.  I apologize for not responding to emails and comments, but the truth is, I’m in a bit over my head at the moment. Yes, I’m being honest here, and I’m being honest because I know just about each and everyone of you struggles with, or is struggling with the same life/work balance.  So I’m going to share with you the good and the bad, but truly I’m going to close this post on the good, because that’s just who I am.

Right now as I type this, I’m struggling with what to say.  I’ve typed and re-typed this post so many different times, that I just about scrapped it, but then I just wanted to say “hi,” so I’m saying “hi,” and giving you the 411 on what’s been going on, and sharing with you what I’ve been up to and what I’ve discovered over the past few months.

What’s been going on with me?  Well, I started working full-time in July, and by full-time I mean a “real” job in downtown SF. I’m the Catering Director for Mixt Greens and Split Bread.  Yep, I have the real deal, and it’s awesome and exhilarating. I mean come on, I’m working in downtown SF for an innovative and awesome company. I’m working with food and people, which are basically two of my favorite things.  I went out and got this job after being a stay at home mom for 15 years, so yes moms, you can go back to work after taking some time off, and that’s pretty awesome to know, but more on that later..

There are days that I feel so alive, grateful and exhilarated that I just want to stand on the street corner like Mary Tyler Moore, (dating myself here) take off my hat, (not that I wear a hat, but you get the picture) toss it in the air, kick up my heel and spin around in pure bliss.

Then there are then other days that I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep, because I’m SO tired of getting up at 5:00 and running, running, running all day just to fit it all in. Trying to fit in grocery shopping, being present with the kids and my boyfriend, getting a healthy breakfast and dinner on the table, lunches made, working out, eating healthy, house cleaned, bills paid, trying to do all on top of working each day for 9 plus hours with an hour commute each way.  Yikes, just reading this makes me want to jump on a plane to Fiji!  😉  Fiji anyone?

My “healthy” eating habits have not been so “healthy” since starting work. Remember my whole “no refined sugar” kick?  Well, I haven’t been the best at maintaining that. I’m trying, believe me, but when you’re at work, and one of  your job responsibilities is to sample and test local pastry vendors, then you just have to do your job and eat pastries and croissants, right? I swear the two weeks that we sampled local pastry vendors, I gained about 5 pounds.  It was tasty though, and I LOVE the pastry vendor (Firebrand) that we chose for our pastry platters at our Split Bread restaurant.  I mean check out the new breakfast menu that I helped create (yes, we have WAY more than pastries on the menu)!  You will have to scroll down a bit to see it.

Also, I’ve had to come to terms with not being able to cook the way I used to, or want to. I went to natural chef school and learned so much about nutrition and eating for optimal health, that I’m bummed that I can’t eat or cook the way I really want to. I’m trying to come to terms with eating healthy, but finding a balance with it all, as I can’t make everything from scratch all of the time. Some days you have to pick up the jarred tomato sauce for dinner, serve cereal for breakfast, and grab cookies from the bakery for dessert.  It’s the reality of life.

I truly miss cooking, creating new recipes, and I miss baking! My kids even miss my baking, and ask me all of the time, “mom, when are you going to bake your awesome brownies or cookies again?”  I just look at them and shrug my shoulders, because I honestly don’t know when I can fit it in. The thing is, I really LOVE to cook, but at the end of a 9 hour plus day, I’m not in the mood to cook or create, and I just want to get some sort of healthy dinner on the table in under 30-minutes.  I now get what my friends were saying to me all along (Yvonne and Cathie).  They used to tell me to post easier weeknight meals on my blog, and I didn’t quite understand what they were talking about because I thought that most of my recipes were easy weeknight meals. Yes, most of my recipes are fairly easy, but when your working and getting home after 6:00, you need something that is ready and on the table in under 30 minutes, not something that takes 15-20 minutes of prep, and then 30 minutes to cook. I get it peeps, I really do.  Well, now I do..

Some positive things are that I’m learning new tricks and figuring out new recipes that work for me and this new crazy schedule. Just the other day I made banana milk of all things, yes banana milk, there is such a thing. I was so excited that I went into work and told everyone that I made banana milk, and they were like, “what, you made banana milk, what the heck?”  I think my co-workers are still getting used to me and my crazy ideas. I WILL post the recipe for banana milk because it’s saved me!  I can’t process dairy, and I don’t always have the time to prep the almonds for almond milk, or soak coconut for coconut milk, so banana milk is an easy and yummy alternative, and takes no prep time at all.  Three cheers for banana milk!  

I’m also dog tired of eating cereal for breakfast everyday, so I’m making up and creating more refrigerator overnight oat recipes that I can grab-and-go, because there are just some mornings that you don’t even have 5 minutes to make something up.  I will actually be posting one of my favorite new recipes for that this week.  Below is a hint..For dinner, I’m literally cooking from my blog, because honestly I know my recipes inside and out. So when people ask me what I’m cooking these days, I say “a lot of recipes from my blog.”

I really think I created this blog just for me, because I need it and literally use it as my cook book!  I will admit that we’re getting a bit tired of the same of things, but the kids are being troopers and totally get it!  See, it’s not so bad, Eli’s smiling!  So we’re eating lots of salads, refried bean tacos, and pastas! I really love my pesto pasta with broccolini It’s saved me and it makes the perfect leftover lunch the next day, as it taste great cold! Some nights, this is dinner, and it’s awesome! Leftover heirloom tomato soup and avocado toast! See, dinner can be simple!When I have time, I will put a post together showcasing some of my favorite weeknight diners that literally take 30 minutes and under, and if they don’t take 30 minutes, then what I do to make them a 30-minute and under meal.

So, I’m ending this post on a positive note, because overall I’m a glass half-full kind of gal.

One thing that I’ve learned is that I can’t do it all. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, but no much more than that right now. I’m not June Cleaver or Martha Stewart, and that’s ok. I’m a modern woman, and the real deal. I’m honest, raw, emotional, strong and imperfect.

I’ve learned to let go, and focus on the little things that I’m getting done, and not the things I’m not getting done. I’m patting myself on the back for the small accomplishments each day, being grateful for what I have, and not for what I don’t have.

My life is utter chaos right now, but at least I’m living, I’M TRULY ALIVE!  I mean I’ve got these 4 amazing kids in my life.

This amazing man that loves, cherishes and supports me in every way.

I have lots of love and support around me, and for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful that I have shoulders to cry on when life gets too much! I sometimes want to pinch myself at all of the good that I have.

I’m also showing my kids that you don’t have to do it all, or be perfect to have a great life, or to feel successful. You accomplish what you can, and you be proud of it.  You pat yourself on the back for the small things, you smile at yourself in the mirror each day and say, “I’m proud of you.” You go out and take risks, fall down from time to time, but get back up and try again, knowing that you’re doing your best and that you’re loved and supported.

You don’t beat yourself over the head because you didn’t make that perfect dinner, or get an A on that test. I’m focusing and being proud of the things I can do and get done and showing that to my kids. I’m showing them to be kinder to themselves, to go after their dreams and just give life a shot, take risks and at the end of the day be silly!  😉

Hey, we’re all here, sharing this world together, so let’s be not only kinder to ourselves, but kinder to each other. Thanks for sticking by me peeps. Thanks for saying hi to me at work, emailing me, commenting on the blog, checking in with me. You guys are awesome and I’m blessed for my readers who have become my friends and my community!

I promise to post when I can, share my simple recipes, and a bit of life with you all! The photos may not be perfect going forward, but you know if I post something, then it will at least be tasty, so trust in that!

Have an amazing week, and remember to focus on your strengths, your accomplishments and all that you have that’s good in your life!  Do what you can, and let go of what you can’t.  Trust your path, and know that you’re being guided each and every step of the way.

xoxo,

Jacquelyn